"If only I had more time", "if only I wasn't working so many hours", "if only I wasn't so drained".... I'd have energy and time to be creative. I'm in a job where no matter how many hours I worked, I couldn't stay even, much less get ahead. And that means I'm doing the "6 to 6 shift": leave home at 6 in the morning, return home 6 in the evening. Dinner. A bit of time to relax. And off to bed to start the cycle all over again the next day. I'm actually trying to lose some weight (give that a try if your big weakness is eating when you are stressed and have the job I have!!) and exercise on a regular basis. That REALLY takes care of the day.
It's time to take a job that takes less of me, and then not immediately fill it back up so I'm back in the same boat. I look at paintings and crafts and gardens and think "if only". OK, I've done the "if only". It's time to "walk the talk" and stop thinking about watering the plants and actually get out there and water! Thinking about watering the plants just leaves you with a bunch of brown sticks in pots. You actually can't "think" your way to having green, healthy plants. You have to get up and perform the act of watering. To have creative time, you have to take the "Nike approach" -- "Just Do It".
You ever see the Spielberg/Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie "Joe Vs. the Volcano"? There's a line spoken by Meg Ryan: "Take the leap and we'll see. That's life." I've done the "leap", new job in the wings, but I'm standing here waiting for some sort of miracle and it still leaves me waiting. Although what I'm waiting for is unclear, other than maybe fear (blog fodder for another time)... I'm tired of waiting. I love home. I love my partner. I love my life. Well, then, damn it!, LIVE IT! I don't want to look back, even to yesterday, and say "look at the time I lost, waiting". I'm tired of being "on hold", sitting here blinking and the only one who has me on hold is me. I'm changing my job "to be selfish" - to be happy, home, and creative. I don't want to live my life with regret. It's time to do something. Don't think about watering the plants. Get up and WATER!! Grow little plants, grow!!